My theory is that we live such busy lives and have so many commitments that there is rarely time to tune into ourselves and really consider what we want in life. In our own homes and places of work there often is not space to have some quiet time to do this. Maybe we need more than the odd half an hour. Imagine having days of peace, of not needing to do anything and to concentrate on meeting your needs to you feel great.
In my experience being with others sways our thoughts and choices. If you are with another person you tend to have to consider their feelings and needs as much as your own. Maybe you are such a kind person you put their needs first with the theory that if they are happy then you will be too. But are you? You are partly happier being with someone who is happier but is your inner being singing from the hill tops with joy? No I suspect not.
I suggest the better route is to put your needs first and then you will be jolly happy and then the other person or people will enjoy being with you because of your happiness or will go off and find their happiness by themselves. I am not suggesting being unkind or selfish, that is what we are led to believe this is. It is not at all. It is realising that only we know what we need to feel happy. Another person cannot make us happy for long. One way or another someone will not have their needs being met and this will show up at some point with someone not feeling good.
So back to you ….. you are the expert on you. You have this inner guidance system that might be called your gut instinct, or just knowing what feels good that indicates to you when you are on track to feeling happy or better still joyful and full of appreciation for life.
If you keep ignoring that inner guidance then you get off track and can lose your way. After so long doing this you can get to a point where you have no idea where the track is let alone get back on it. I had areas of my life where I knew what I wanted but then other areas where I was lost caring for others rather than myself. I so put my needs on the back burner that I had no idea what they were. I felt angry or resentful at times as I felt others were taking me for granted. I was left doing all the chores and caring while they went off and did what made them happy. If they told me to ‘get a hobby’ it frustrated me as I didn’t have the time or the energy to do anymore and I had not recognition of what I would do if I had the time and energy.
Then my kids moved away, I separated from my husband, my friends changed, my job ended even my living situation had to change. I was left with holes in my life and no idea what to fill them with. It took me months to gradually find people and activities that felt right. It is a work in progress for us all, we are all forever changing and would benefit from reassessing regularly and tweaking our lives to enable us to keep on that track that feels great. I am grateful that everything appeared to change at once as it was a great opportunity to completely reassess.
For you it might be little niggles of dissatisfaction, or knowing your job is not right for you anymore, or that you would like a new partner or more money. Whatever it is you kind of know things are not hunky dory. You might put up with it as you do not know what to do about it. You might say to yourself that things could be worse, which is true but do you want to wait until they have to get worse before you pay attention?
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